Why i choose this topic
Growing up between the two worlds of Mexico and The United States made me into the person I am today. Growing up a latina is a unique experience that can sometimes be traumatic, degrading or scary, but it can also be beautiful, inspiring and peaceful.
How do latina women define themselves and how has growing up in between two prominent cultures effect them? Is it possible for latinas to unite for a greater cause and what is this cause?
Childcare and Caregiving: The Informed perspective of the Eldest daughter
Many of my cousins have siblings that are drastically younger than they are: a permanent proof of circumstances that led to teenager pregnancy. While their parents did their absolute best to raise them, we find ourselves sharing the experience of being the designated babysitter, at ages as early as six or seven. I remember being left in charge of my two year old sister when I was seven, my dad at work and my mom desperately needing time to run important errands. I sat there, staring at the chubby baby drooling on itself in front of me. I wanted to be left alone to color and play, but my sister (the chubby baby) wanted to be involved, she would mess up my coloring and I was getting frustrated. She started to cry, and I had not been paying attention to the brief rundown my mom had given me on how to stop the wailing, so I chucked a book at her, which flew straight into her forehead. She was silent after that, shocked, and I was consumed with guilt. As I got older, I became a better babysitter, never questioning why I was a babysitter in the first place, just accepting this is my responsibility. For me in particular, I think there are three main reasons this was my role.
1. Familial Obligations - I am expected to place my family and be willing to help, at all times, no matter how tolling.
2. Rape Culture - The trauma of my mother effected her view towards childcare
3. Gender Roles - As a female, I am expected to take care of children and be a good caregiver.
Factors that might influence the lack of childcare to others:
- Not being able to afford it
- Lack of accessible resources
- Lack of transportation
- Inconvenient work schedules (childcare not being available during these hours)
- A stigma against childcare
- Language Barriers
Researching "Hispanics (although I do not agree with that term) and Childcare was my first window to realizing how big of an impact familial obligation had in my life, it was so embedded into me that I didn't ever consider that a factor in my upbringing. My first conscious encounter with the manifestation of this ideal in my life was when I desperately wanted to join the ROTC after-school instead of babysitting my siblings.
"We do so much for you and you can't do one little thing for us? We are your family, don't you care about your family? Family comes first Lillian, I thought I raised you better."
I felt like a failure. It hurt that my mom accused me of not loving my family because I wanted to do something that I wanted to enjoy. This of course, was no ones fault. To the untrained ear, what she said to me was textbook manipulation and guilt tripping, but under a cultural scope we can zoom in and look at what she was taught growing up in Vera Cruz. It doesn't ease the fact that this statement was damaging and yelling was not the right way to resolve this behavior, but my mom was taught from her mom to make sacrifices for the family, and her mom was taught by her mom, and it back further
and further
and further
I don't know how far back this goes, but I know that familial obligation can be practiced in a healthy manner, one that considers the needs and well-being of all parties, no one should have to make sacrifices too great or bend over backwards to please the family, but it is healthy to be there for each other. On the toxic end of the spectrum, Latinas tend to have a different type of familial obligation ingrained within them as opposed to their male counterparts. I watched my mom cook, clean, raise us and go to work while my dad simply went to work. They were both breadwinners, but my mom got the shorter end of the stick, which brings us into the topic of gender roles and childcare.
The Journal of Mental Health and Social Behavior conducted a study which found that older Latino adults who received mental health services were oftentimes accompanied by a daughter, who often assume the role of a caregiver for the older people in the family. This article emphasizes that mental health professionals need to acknowledge the importance and respect that the daughter has in the latino family, while also keeping in mind that the primary caregiver (daughter) could experience burnout and that her role could take a toll on her health. The article explains that the daughter that comes in with their parents, brother, or other family members is the one who stays on top of everything such as medications. With this article in mind, we can pause and take a 360 look at how the gender role and family obligation intersects. The Latina is pure of heart, wanting to help her sick parents and family take care of themselves, this in itself is beautiful. The underlying sense of obligation however, is not. There has to be a middle for Latinas, one where they are no longer the sole caregiver to the parents, one where they are allowed to help fully out of love and not from pressure.
I am the elder sibling to a sister and a brother. The daughter of divorced parents. Sometimes, I feel like I have to save everyone, including myself, and I am so busy saving everyone else that sometimes I forget that I am drowning too sometimes. I know that there is no one holding me at gunpoint to pick up my siblings from school even if it means going out of my way, I know that there is no one physically forcing me to clean up my dad's vomit after a night of binge drinking, there's no one forcing me to be a listener when he is rambling and crying at 4am, there is no one forcing me to stop him from being his own self destruction. Not only do I love him, but I also feel like I can't run, like I am betraying my family if I take some time to myself, if I go on vacation, if I move out that I am letting everyone down. I want to pull away, I want to be able to leave for college or to explore the world and know that things aren't going to fall apart without me.
but the thing is they might
Before I end this entry, I'd like to talk about afterschool care and its importance to the low income community, which oftentimes includes Latino people. America After 3pm and The Hispanic Community states, "In 2004, demand for afterschool programs was at 44 percent and in 2009, 47 percent of Hispanic parents said that they would enroll their child in a program if one were available. In 2014, 57 percent of Hispanic children—5.5 million children— not currently in an afterschool program would be enrolled in a program if one were available." Afterschool care being well funded and accessible to everyone is important to avoiding mishaps like the one I described earlier. Parents can be at ease knowing their kids are learning, having fun and being well taken care of while the parents work late.